i have had a number of short plays produced...
1 page plays, 1 minute plays,
2 minute plays, 10 minute plays... etc.
This is one...
PLACE: The St. Francis Zoo
JOAN = The “Sex Tour” guide
MR LYON = The Associate Zoo Director
JOAN: You wanted to see me? I’m late for my tour-
MR. LYON: Your file said you were direct-
JOAN: Yeah, I’ve seen it, it’s pretty thick. Did you get to the part where it says, “While at times, insubordinate- blah, blah, blah- she is one of the hardest working animal keepers at our zoo?”
MR. LYON: My personal favorite was, “Outspoken but shows a tremendous dedication to her work, her fellow employees and the creatures in her care… But she’s also a bit of a clown-”
JOAN: Yeah, So, what? So are you. In a suit. Some of my best friends are clowns-
MR. LYON: I just wanted to have a friendly little chat… I’ve been hearing things about this “SEX” tour of yours-
JOAN: You make it sound dirty-
MR. LYON: From what I hear, it is-
JOAN: It’s our annual fundraiser! Robin Williams even used to bring his kids-
MR. LYON: He’s no longer… a donor. But quite frankly I’m uncomfortable with it!
JOAN: Even the little old ladies love it. You know, this city is a different kind of “bedroom” community-
MR. LYON: This is a family zoo-
JOAN: Where do you think family’s come from?
MR. LYON: We’ve had complaints-
JOAN: From... whom? Those nuns… about the penguin jokes. I already-
MR. LYON: Parents, for a start! The calls I’ve received are very explicit-
JOAN: Look, I try to warn them- but I can’t help it if they refuse to move when my tour’s going by. So, little Johnny accidentally overhears that he wasn’t dumped on the doorstep by a stork? Or that evolution is not just something that happens to other people. The tour is about animal reproduction and sexuality. If it happens in nature, it’s NATURAL! That’s life, it’s not my fault!
MR. LYON: No, it’s mine. I know this tour is your baby and that it’s become a tradition here... but you even mention gay sex… Now, I think that we might have to tone it down a bit. What do you say? Are you a team player?
JOAN: I get it. Well, with all due respect. screw you... and your team. I’m a free agent. (She exits)